Chocolate Amusement

Chocolate is a dumbed down Bollywood version of The Usual Suspects. Well, dumbed down & sexed up with ample Tanushree Dutta cleavage. Assuming you know the premise of the original, the Hindi movie works around the fact that Irfan (orig:Kevin Spacey) is feeding his imagination off the lead stories on the cover of a GQ magazine, which incidentally carries the photo of Anil Kapoor- Britain’s #1 lawyer (his words). At one point in the movie, they zoom in on the cover, as Irfan is in the middle of another one of his yarns. This is what it looked like:

And in the end, when Anil Kapoor realizes that he was being taken for a ride, check out the changes applied to the cover.

Guess someone checked IMDB and fixed the spelling for Rashomon:

The entire top right corner is altered to include the name, Murtaza Arzai, that has been taunting the lawyer (like Keyser Soze in the original):

Another headline inserted to justify the title & the euphemism used for drugs in the movie:

And this last photo is of me dropping my Starbucks cup when I realized how I had been had by the director. Nifty work there, Vivek Agnihotri (that’s the terribly insecure, dumbass director).

Yeah, I know…the movie is so horrid that nit-picking on it is like expecting Shahid Afridi to grow a brain, but it’s still amusing, no?

15 thoughts on “Chocolate Amusement”

  1. Are DVDs & English movie channels to blame for the rapid increase in the rate of transfer of ideas from Hollywood to Bollywood / Kollywood? And what has prompted the change in the sort of movies they pick for ‘desification’ – first Reservoir Dogs, then Memento, now the Usual Suspects? Indie movies seem to win at unexpected competitions. I miss the days when all we had was DoorDarshan, and only Kamal Hassan had access to “phoren” stuff. At least he makes reasonably good copies, which might occasionally be even better than the original..

    Thanks for the warning on Chocolate. I was tempted by the shiny DVD cover, but stopped at the last minute because I remembered the Prashant masterpiece of the same name, and didn’t want to risk it. Anil Kapoor in the Usual Suspects sounds like far more cruel and inhuman punishment…then again, Mumtaz might just tip the scales in the Tamil movie’s favor…

  2. Tru dat, Zero!

    DoZ: Yeah, almost makes you want to say, “Well, atleast they have good taste, eh?” :)
    I don’t mind Kamal lifting phoren stuff as much he denies having ever heard of the originals. I really wish the guy made more movies like ‘Virumaandi’ – a mostly original movie inspite of the vaguely Rashomon-like treatment. Even better, I wish he only directed some of his movies without having to star in them. (with apologies to Bala(Karthik)).
    btw, Anil Kapoor played the role of Chazz Palminteri…a much louder, nauseating Chazz Palminteri. I’ll assume you won’t be interested in watching Tanushree Dutta getting drenched under a broken water-pipe, so yeah, the warning still stands.
    As for the Tamizh ‘Chocolate’, it had atleast one awesome song to boast of. And I long for lyrics like those in ‘Malae Malae’. Not a single word out of sync with the tune.

  3. Oh yeah – you did mention that Irfan is Spacey. I’ve liked Irfan from his television days. Don’t remember what he did, but have a positive impression. After Maqbool, I was so taken with Irfan that I borrowed 2 absolute lemons – the one with the pretty dead girl who later becomes undead, er, alive – a wierd mish mash of God knows how many movies including Insomnia (from which they just lifted one bit – ‘insomniac cop’) and 71/2 Phere. Juhi’s presence helped smoothen any concerns! 7.5 Phere was easily the lousiest Hindi movie I’ve seen this year. Self-preservation finally kicked in & I’ve escaped No Entry / Maine Pyar Kyon Kiya / James & the like.
    But I hear ‘Warrior’, also with Irfan might not be so bad. I do hope that it doesn’t turn out like that Arvasu / Parvasu movie – the one with Prabhu Deva as the bootham :D This movie also had Nagarjuna & Milind Soman & Sonali Kulkarni… Actually, I withdraw that… if Warrior offers fascinating names like arvasu & parvasu, and most importantly, P.Deva in any ‘terrifying’ role, I’m game.

  4. //…As for the Tamizh ‘Chocolate’, it had atleast one awesome song to boast of. And I long for lyrics like those in ‘Malae Malae’. Not a single word out of sync with the tune. ..//

    Am I not able to get the sarcasm or really?????

    If you are not sarcasting, I think you are talking about ‘Kappalae kappalae’, the only piece I loved from that movie. But about Malai malai lyrics…I want to believe that you are really joking.

  5. DoZ: You did escape ‘No Entry’. Can’t believe they actually remade a B-grade Tamizh movie! I’ve not watched too much of Irfan to gauge him as an actor, but I’ll take your word for it. Will try to watch some of those movies you mentioned.
    I’ve seen those Arvasu-Parvasu posters Too many bare-chested men for my liking, so was very easy to pass on that! :)

    Muthuvel: I’m not talking about the actual lyrics, but the fact that the lyrics fit the tune perfectly, as in even nonsensical lyrics that seemed to go so well with the santham. Lyricists these days seem to have trouble doing even that, Snehan for example, in ‘Kalyaanam thaan kattikittu’.

  6. Yep I did Muthuvel. I liked ‘Kekkalayo’ , if only he had got someone other than Tippu for it. ‘Oru Porkaalam’ smells of ‘Ennai Thaalaata’ & the rest were disinterested efforts I thought.

  7. I too liked that two songs only. I liked ‘Oru porkaalam’ more than the other one…may be that ‘Ennai thaalaata’ smell in it is the reason.

  8. Even better, I wish he only directed some of his movies without having to star in them.

    Exactly. I must have mentioned this to ppl zillions of times, but Kamal is one part of my dream-team. Thalaivar is the other! I consider Kamal to have as much potential to be the KB of this age. And no other director ever brought out the best of Rajini as much as KB did. And so a Kamal-Rajini combo tops my wishlist.
    The next one is ofcourse a combo consisting of MR, Kamal and Rajini!

  9. KB of this age? aNTi, my friend, that’s not saying much, is it? But let’s not stray away from something we agree on. :) Yep, Kamal is a talent that needs to be put on a leash, and one way to begin is by putting him behind a camera. And also maybe, cancelling his subscription to the Garbage Philosophy library.

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