The last 10 days have been hectic; time spent poring over mysterious plots and its associated numbers. And I needed the weekend to recharge. On the couch, taking care of my Netflix backlog. But I also had things to do: the laundry for instance. Cleaning. Phone calls. Pedicures. I could multi-task, but I was wary of getting too involved in the separation of colors & whites that I might miss out on getting all choked up about little Damian or not chewing my fingernails as John Leguizamo tried to track down a serial killer.
So I watched the Bollywood action thriller, James, instead.
Why? Cos’ it had the main element required of a multi-tasking movie. Ultra slow-motion. Your usual masala movie would have goons flying like projectiles into nearby trees and parked cars. Blink and you miss out on a reverse double helix swoop kick. Not in ‘James’. Let me give you an example. Mohit Ahlawat, who plays the protagonist, is surrounded by teeth-gnashing henchmen in the middle of a Mumbai road. He punches one right in the face upon which the disgraced fella begins his backwards slow-mo descent across the length of the road. And that is when I finished my taxes. Cut to the next few goons who take off like ballerinas, and I was already deploying fabric softeners into my dryer. Amazing. Who knew household work could be so much fun?!
Mohit Ahlawat, unlike say, our Captain, looks like he could actually deliver these superhuman punches. The man has musculature that would make girls sigh and medical students take notes for their anatomy class. It doesn’t really matter that the muscles in his face allow him to portray just two emotions. In fact, I’m quite sure the reason he chose his eyebrow for a piercing is because every other part on his body would be impervious to a needle. Nisha Kothari, on the other hand, is restricted to dual emotions only because she was sure no one would watch her face in the movie. And why would anyone with her choice of wardrobe? Lets put it this way. I did 15 times as much laundry as her wardrobe. In a single load.
In any case, James was a colossal flop. Not surprising, cos’ really, how many of us can write a letter to Mom in a dimly lit theater? This was always a made-for-video movie and I’m surprised no reviewer pointed that out. And now I hear RamGopal Varma is planning to remake this movie. Rather than go huh? I just thought, “Hopefully in time for my 2006 taxes.”
Ha! Its such a terrific read and i have to admit these slow mo action sequences are a pain. especially when you cant find the remote and your panicing cos its just so s. l. o. w.
cheers
caleb
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Thanks Caleb. Ultra-Slow-Mo has another great use for a screenwriter. He need write only half a movie, which the director then stretches out to fill 2:30 hours of film. Watching ‘James’ was easy that way. I had the movie on 2X FFWD and was done without missing out on anything. In fact, all I remember about the movie are triceps, mini skirts, a man with a beard, goons with a sense of humor(they were laughing always) and making up dirty words from the acronym, RGV.
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