Couple of Eminem/Fred Durst-looking teenagers showed up on my front door a few weeks back. You know, the cap worn backwards, weird chains around the neck, letter jackets and pants threatening to dislodge from the waists any moment. Apparently they wanted to sign me up for some magazine subscription program.
“But I already pay my dues to the magazine industry, ” I said and took a step back to close the door.
“But this is for a good cause, man. You sign up for this and blah-bleh-blook, your contribution goes to the Sacred Heart hospital.”
I didn’t need to hear all that gibberish again, so I nodded and said, “Hmm…so how much do I need to pay?”
“We just told you man.”
“Of course you did, but how about I just pay you some money and we forget this whole sign-up deal, eh? It’s too much hassle…man.”
It doesn’t work that way, they said. Plus, they had this whole competition thing going where they had to produce proof of subscription in order to win something. Probably a pair of pants that fit, I thought. Ha Ha Ha. But dang! I had to think of something quick to get rid of these ‘dyoods’.
“So, you guys from around here?” I asked.
“Yeah, we live nearby, ” they said, and pointed at, what I’m quite sure, was a constellation in the night sky.
“So, you don’t live in this apartment complex?”
“No, not really man.”
“Oh ok, in that case, I’m sorry guys, but I don’t think I can help you.”
“Because we don’t live here?”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
At this point, I realize I’m trying to see them off with the lamest excuse known to mankind. Much more reasonable would’ve been a “Fuck off, you sons of bitches and pull up your pants, dumbass.”
“Wow, that’s pretty weird man.”
And the other guy added for effect, “Yeah, really weird.”
“Well, sorry you feel that way guys.”
And then they said something that would seriously disturb me for the next 45 minutes.
“Alright man, take it deep then”.
Considering the events that had led to this parting remark, I was sure I’d been treated to the latest high-school version of “Why don’t you rear-end yourself with male genitalia?”. Not surprisingly, I was angry at first, and even thought I should yell out a matching insult at their disappearing backs. But then, part of me also wanted to believe these kids were not that vicious. So, it was in this state of denial that I began to Google the phrase. Sure enough, 95% of the hits led me to the gay porn sites (stupid Google), until I somehow ended up here. And ladies & gents, that’s what I want to believe. The disheartened but gracious boys were just saying Goodbye, the international way, seeing how I was of Asian origin and all. Actually, I’m quite sure that’s what it was. And if you’re not, then guess what…
Take It Deep!