It was exactly 9:13 pm yesterday, when I uttered the first bitch of the night. Directed at NBC, it was my verbal disapproval of their mysterious decision to air a crappy “Will & Grace” re-run, instead of a spanking new “Scrubs”. It was also about the same time, something inside the right side of my abdomen did a somersault and then kicked me in the balls. But, dismissive as I am about most things in life, I chose to ignore this moment of pain. In fact, I thought I even knew what it was; my whiny intestines protesting my continued decision to not provide them with fiber & buckets of water. They had spasmed before, and were doing it again with perfect timing, trying to build on the pain caused by yet another mindless W&G sexual innuendo.
But somehow, flipping channels didn’t seem to help, and I found myself clutching my right abdomen, wincing in pain, and letting loose a stream of F-bombs like I was auditioning for the Sopranos. My dulled instincts told me something was wrong and I called my friend/neighbour, who immediately rushed over with his wife. A quick session of questioning ensued and my friend’s wife told me that it was most likely a kidney stone. Now, if anyone else had told me that, I’d have clutched the other side of my belly and let out a sarcasm-laden laugh that said, “Oh! really, Doctor?”. Except, in this case, she happened to be one, and a bright one at that. So I just nodded my head and reminded myself to add “Kidney Stones” to the list of “Detrimental Effects of watching Will&Grace”.